oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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