I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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