Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
