whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
