If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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