I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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