This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
