They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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