I bet he comes in French.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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