there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
