I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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