That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
