do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
