'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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