planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
