I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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