He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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