I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
