I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
