mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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