Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
