I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize