i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I love you.
Bad choice
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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