That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
