I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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