Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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