what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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