I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
