Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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