I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
