oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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