it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
