apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
