so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
