Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
