I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
