i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
