she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
