I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
