3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
