took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
