So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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