I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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