what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
