You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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