if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize