end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she told me i tasted like america
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
