sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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