I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
