We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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