I cockslap morals
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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