my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
