just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
