I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
