They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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