yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
