Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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