The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
