So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
