I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize