I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
