the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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