I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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