I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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