theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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