considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
