smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
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