He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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