I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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