a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
