i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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