One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
