You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Say something about gay babies.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize