Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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