ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
