if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
