if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
be right there i have to get my cape
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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