The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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