Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(623): View more from Arizona

were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.

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(941): View more from Florida

i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that

(850): View more from Florida

im pretty sure thats an 11

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?

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(310): View more from California

And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.

(310): View more from California

Actually though that could've been bad.

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(909): View more from California

I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.

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(661): View more from California

I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.

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