I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
