Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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