Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
