is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
