Have you finally orgasmed yet?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize