HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
