i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
