Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt

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(530): View more from California

the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.

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(360): View more from Washington

Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.

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(801): View more from Utah

We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party

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(703): View more from Virginia

I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"

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(914): View more from New York

Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested

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(630): View more from Illinois

I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.

(815): View more from Illinois

i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.

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