Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love having hate sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize