Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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