Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
