im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
