On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
