You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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