that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
