You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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