What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
