is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
