If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
