So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
