It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
3pm strippers are depressing
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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