he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
