why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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