Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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