Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
