sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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