He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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