I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
