A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
