last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My feet surprised me
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