Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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