perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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