You just made me feel so damn special
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
