If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
