I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
PANTIES FOUND
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