he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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