i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
