I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
