all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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