So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
